At The End of The Day

Blame, Domestic Violence, Family, fathers, feminism, forgotten, fuck you, Future, home, Hope, Humanist, Journal, no trust, Personal

Who does Bryan think he is? To come downstairs and start raising his voice at me in my house, on the one day I have off from school and other activities.

Sure, our house wasn’t clean, but I was going to clean it. I made a To Do list and cleaning the whole house was on there..

But instead of rationally discussing the fact that there was a dirty pan on the stove and the floor could stand to be swept, he yelled at me. He threw something across the room and saying “go ahead and run away” as I packed up my things so I could do my homework in peace.

On that note, I shouldn’t have to fucking worry about being able to do my homework on a saturday when it’s just me there with my moms boyfriend. I shouldn’t have to think twice about having to come home when it will just be him and I there. He can’t control his temper, he has anger outbursts. He spanks kendra out of anger when Riley and I have expressed our discomfort with it, when we have talked to our mom and told her how we feel.

I shouldn’t have to feel like my mom won’t listen to me because she will automatically take sides with Bryan. She doesn’t hear what I have to say, or she does but she doesn’t care that her boyfriend makes my life uncomfortable. That he makes me uncomfortable in my own home.

I am valid in feeling like my mother’s boyfriend should not raise his voice at me when I am alone with him. I am valid in feeling that my mom does not care about my emotions when she sides with him. Just because my mom does not agree with me, just because my mom does not hear me, just because my mom is choosing to stay with a man who has hurt all of her children, does not make my opinions, feelings, or ideas invalid.

At the end of the day, I am just a sixteen year old who wants her mother to care about her.

At the end of the day, I am just a sixteen year old who could really use a parent with good judgement.

At the end of the day, I just want to feel like someone has my best interest at heart.

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Bryan, the Abusive Coward

Blame, Domestic Violence, Family, fuck you, Journal, Love, no trust, Personal

I can’t seem to get away from abusive and anger.. About an hour ago, Bryan kicked my dog.. Remember the one?

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The sweet, innocent, little daschund? How can this keep happening to us? To her ? The worst part is that my mom is getting rid of her.. Between the fees, her shitting on the carpet, and now this… We can’t afford another lawsuit.. But I love this dog more than I love anything else and getting rid of her is killing me.. I am really hurt by the fact that my mom is making excuses for another man. Another angry, substance addicted man. I will not forgive Bryan. I will never forgive this. I will never trust him or accept him, and I will make life miserable for that man. He will not be welcome here anymore.

I don’t know when we’re going to be taking her to the farm, but no matter when it is.. I will not be okay with it.

When he kicked her, I pushed him and he held my arms. Tightly.

Earlier this afternoon, he stormed out and went for a drive.. I talked to my mom about how I disapproved of his violent nature.. This only confirms what I said, and she must know that.

But she is making excuses again, and that disturbs me. Will she make excuses for every man who comes her way and hurts her family?