So apparently they determined that I wasn’t in the top nine percent.
Wasn’t an outright rejection, but my chances are slim.
Part of me just wants to take my GED, get out of high school, and pursue travelling instead of college. Get a minimum wage job in a place I want to live, and stop giving fucks about my education.
I have cared my entire educational career, I have passionately dove into academia, all with the intent to go to a nice university. But I am not good enough for them.
Honestly, I am not good enough for anyone. So why care about them? Why give them the time of day and not invest my energy into making my life happier and those around me happier?
Simple things make me content – my plants, a cup of coffee in the morning, cats. I don’t need to get a degree from an expensive, fancy university to make me happy.
Sure, I would love to surround myself with intelligent people and new concepts, I would love to have the opportunity to further my own mind – but it won’t make or break my happiness.
Fuck it, I’m not going to take AP tests. I’m not going to stress myself over acceptance letters – as much as it might hurt to not be accepted.
Perhaps I didn’t put the effort in that I should have. Maybe I’m not as intelligent as my peers.
I need to recognize that this is not as definitive as I may have thought before.