Caring Too Much, as per usual

Blame, Failure, fuck you, Journal, Partner, Personal, Relationships

I’m bitter toward those who reject me – but who the fuck wouldn’t be?

Thinking about all the people who have turned me down really drowns out the ones who have obsessed over me.

God it hurts to think about all age times that a guy has told me he doesn’t reciprocate the feelings. Then again, I go through men like I breath air. It’s like a natural part of my DNA to not stick with one, but love them deeply and thoroughly for like three seconds.

I’m unlovable. Aren’t I?

Will anyone ever actually care about me?

I’m sitting in a Starbucks right now wondering if anyone will ever want to sit in front of me in one of these damn cafes for longer than five months. If they have enough love for me in them to last.

Part of me still loves every single one of the douche bags who has hurt me – I’m thinly spread out over so many people. It’s hurting me, I don’t love anyone who loves me back and this is starting to feel like a goddamn curse. Fucking stupid curse, at that.

I just want someone who cares about me for who I am, every last flaw. But there is literally no one out there who fucking cares about me like that.

Even the band kids have more self respect than to date me. They smell my desperation and I reek of passion no one desires  – they run. I need different goddamn pheromones or some shit.

I’m that girl who is alright looking, ya know? I’m like semi-interesting but narcissistic and no one is here for that shit.

I’ll be fuckin single forever unless I date a goddamn stalker.

Why is everyone so shitty.

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