On My Mind

fuck you, no trust, Personal

Things I’m Tired of thinking about:

  1. Talon and his new girlfriend
  2. Whether or not said girlfriend is Felicia
  3. Xavier
  4. If he’s seeing the girl I saw him walking with the other day
  5. Why the fuck Brandon stopped snap chatting me out of nowhere
  6. All the guys who have ghosted me, ever
  7. Why my instagram is 20 likes shy of what it has been recently
  8. The fact that Charley went to bed and I’m lonely as fuck
  9. My nervous tick where I poke at my arms, which are currently really swollen
  10. All my damned homework that I’m ignoring
  11. Did I mention Xavier? Despite the fact that I unfollowed his profile on facebook so it wouldn’t keep posting when he liked something that’s genuinely funny and made me laugh, reminding me that I get his sense of humor — but then the crushing reminder of reality that tells me he was probably projecting his feelings for his ex onto me and that he never actually liked me and when he said he was “lucky” he meant nothing because he doesn’t like me and never did and that spark was gone for him a long time ago and he was walking by MacKayla and he doesn’t even see you half the time, and I need to get a grip because the reality of this is that you don’t matter to him.
  12. Did I mention that I don’t matter to Xavier?
  13. How guys use me until they have their fix, or until they realize they’re uninterested, but they don’t really tell me that and I have already grown attached to them.
  14. How I feel like anyone I have an attachment for will inevitably leave me
  15. That I’m scared number 14 is because of how my dad hasn’t tried staying in contact with me and that my mom is emotionally out of touch with life.
  16. Why do all of the guys who think that they’re cute end up being assholes?
  17. The fact that Charley lives so far away and that I’m low key worried I’ll fuck it up
  18. I don’t want to go to public school anymore. It makes me want to kill myself. Not even joking.
  19. I hate seeing Talon being a smug ass around campus
  20. I am annoying that I yelled at him. That I heard Felicia telling him that “it’s actually kind of funny”
  21. Remembering that Cadence said I was bigger than his taste
  22. Thinking Kavy is an annoying bitch
  23. Autumn too
  24. I just want some solitude and a weekend all alone.
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