Things Are Over Between Us

forgotten, fuck you, Future, Her, Hope, Jealousy, Journal, Memories, New, no trust, Personal

I should have done this the first time I was hurt by you. Breaking up with a friend is always hard.

At this current moment in time, I don’t know if I will actually send this to you, or just post it on my blog. I am hurt. I have been hurt. The first time I recall being hurt by you was last year, I can’t recall a date, but I know what happened. You invited seemingly everyone but myself over to watch Lord of the Rings. Your mom posted about it on facebook, I saw it that night. Wondering where I had gone wrong, what I had done to you, I cried myself to sleep that night. I had considered you a good friend, I would have invited you to something, which is why it stung.

In that moment, I realized I appreciated our relationship more than you did. I realized that you guys probably didn’t miss my presence or realize you had forgotten me, or if you had, I wondered if I should blame myself.

I don’t know if you’re aware of  this, but when we were in San Francisco, I was supposed to be in your room instead of Avery. I asked the teachers if they wouldn’t do that to me because the idea of having to share a room with you, Kodai, and Siena sounded like a living hell. I knew I would be left out, I knew I would end up hating the trip, and I wasn’t going to have that happen after I had worked so hard to get there. It was my last hooray with my friends and I didn’t want to spend it in your trios shadow.. So, I asked the teachers for a room change, and I honestly had never felt like such a fucking burden because Eric, Peggy, and Kristin all hated me the rest of the trip. They thought I was just wanting to be with my friends, that I was being a little baby and didn’t want to socialize. But the truth? I would have accepted a room with Jo and Eunice if that meant I didn’t have to spend an agonizing weekend in the shadow.

I’m sure you must be aware of what a clique you, Kodai, and siena had become last year. You guys hurt a lot of people. Made a lot of people feel left out and unwanted. I know that Leslie, Makena, and Fiona felt that way at least.

I didn’t get a pixie cut because of you guys. I really wanted to, but after you and Kodai both did it, I didn’t want to seem like I was trailing along after you guys in hopes that you would accept me. I’m really fucking happy I didn’t do that.

In fact, the problems didn’t even stop there. I’m not saying that what your mom does is your issue, but she has blatantly ignored both riley and I on a few occasions, which really hasn’t helped the Locke’s case.

My point is, I think you and I stopped being friends a long time ago. I think that whatever we have left is not a friendship, but I will think back on when we were friends fondly. I have been really hurt by you, mostly by being excluded, and now with whatever is happening between you and Cadence.. I’m pretty sure our friendship has officially ended. It should have a long time ago.

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