I am needing to be real in the kind of way I’m normally not..
I’m gonna be real about the way I feel and that is one of the hardest things for me to do.
I have feelings for you, but I don’t want to be in anything serious. I enjoy what we’re doing and that we’re doing it together, but I really can’t go into another relationship anytime in the foreseeable future.
I have to allow myself to do what I want to do.. A lot of the time that means I have to be selfish, do what I need to do to feel secure. For me, being selfish can mean leaving someone who I know I made happy, and who for a short time made me happy as well.. That’s been the case in a lot of situations. Like every situation where I was with someone else.
But like most things, that happiness ended, and with that, I needed to do what was best for myself and leave them.
In these situations, being selfish is the healthiest thing I can do.
I want to point fingers and say “the divorce did it!”, but I don’t know that it did.. I might just be the kind of person who doesn’t enjoy settling down with one person – I mean.. Hell. The longest I’ve been with someone is eight months, and that was with you.
I’m not making any decisions right now, and I’m not even thinking about making one.. But I know that I don’t want to call myself anyone’s girlfriend at the moment.
Even if my fucking dream dude were to appear on my doorstep and ask me to date them, I wouldn’t do it. I’m not in a place to.
I just want to be me for awhile – I was Cadence’s girlfriend, and before that I was caught up in living at my grandparent’s, and before that, I was your girlfriend. After cadence, I only had a month before we started talking again, and now being in a relationship is getting discussed… I haven’t had a break since we broke up… Not really, at least.
I had that summer, but it was insane and I was sad and scared.
I want a lot of time to be single. Not just four months or even six, I want a lot of time. I want to be single for awhile, Sam. I don’t need another title..