Zatoichi

fuck you, Her, Jealousy, Journal, Love, no trust, Personal, Uncategorized

Why do I let this get to me? I mean.. It makes me angry – it makes me jealous. I’m mad.

Why am I mad?? It’s like being a little kid on the playground and someone just took my toy, but just multiply that by one hundred and make the situation about two guys and another girl and how everyone has always compared us.

I don’t hate her – she’s been my friend for six years. I like her. But the fact that people have made her my competition angers me. I love her, I love who she is.

I know that but Cadence had a thing for her and so did this other guy I know, so did stephen, so did a million other guys. She is an awesome person, so how can I be angry about this? Because any chance of Cadence liking her now totally angers me?

Because it does.

He likes her posts now. He talks to other girls. Why does that upset me if I don’t like him? I don’t want my exes to date people, I do the same thing to Sam, my other ex. I sometimes feel like I could still like him.. But he was too hurt by me and won’t talk to me for longer than a few hours.

I talked to Sam today.. He gives me this sort of comfort – maybe it’s because when we were together, I gave him all of my love and attention. I also really cared for him in a way I could care for a first boyfriend.

I still feel connected to him and I found out that one of the major reasons I broke up with him wasn’t even real.. I thought he was conservative/right wing, but apparently he’s a fucking liberal. HOW didn’t I know that? We dated for seven months.

I guess we never discussed politics. Or anything remotely important or opinion based.

But still….

 

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