Box Of Resentment

Blame, forgotten, fuck you, Hope, Jealousy, Journal, Love, Memories, no trust, Personal, Uncategorized

So, I’ve left my ex-boyfriend box sit for a month since my last breakup. It’s time to go through it..

I was just on facebook and saw a comment from Cadence on a mutual friend’s post.. I liked his comment passive aggressively. That’s when I knew it was time to go through and item by item release some of what emotions for him that are left in me.

  • The stuffed animal we made together at Build-A-Bear.. It’s still cute, just tainted with unhappy memories.
  • Next is a shirt his mom gave me. I never wore it..
  • Matching pillowcases I gave him for Christmas..
  • A harry potter figurine
  • A harry potter tshirt he gave me
  • His favorite tshirt of Jack from The Nightmare Before Christmas
  • A Zelda tshirt
  • A pair of christmas socks from his mom
  • A jacket from his mom
  • Our matching ying and yang necklaces
  • A deck of magic cards we bought together.

This is hard, I knew it would be.

What hurts most is that I know he cared so much and the entire time I knew it would end. I knew I was moving. I knew I didn’t want a Long Distance Relationship. I knew the whole time that there was something there with Megan (Bitch Faced  Cunt)

I just wanted one last time where I felt loved, I wanted to be held, and I knew I didn’t want to spend another Valentine’s alone..

What I did was wrong. I shouldn’t have dated him solely because I was lonely.

And I don’t want to spend another Valentine’s alone. I don’t want to be single for christmas.. But I also don’t want to date someone that I’m not invested in or don’t love. Love is hard to find.

I wish that breakups didn’t end with resentment and anger – I wish I could eat without consequences too, though. There’s a lot that I want. There’s even more that I can’t have.

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