Today had a mix of feelings crumbled into the few hours I have been up.
I did a few errands for my sister: Shipping a box, and buying some groceries at Target.
It was no big deal, in fact, I thought it was really enjoyable.
As i walked across the large parking lot, though, my brain told me “You won’t make it to the other side” which I found very concerning because when I hear things in my head, sometimes they come true.
So I held my head up high, deciding that if I wasn’t to make it, for some universally odd reason, I wouldn’t let it be my fault.
Needless to say, I made it across the huge parking lot, same as when my foot stepped on the blacktop for the first time tonight.
As I walked into Target, I decided I didn’t want to rush. So I meandered. I walked passed the cards, the new Star Wars toys they are promoting, and that’s when I came across the baby clothes.
I walked pass them, but I saw a pair of teeny-tiny pajamas my little sister had, with a monkey on the bum. I giggled a little, and as a teenage girl, I realized that one day I might have a child of my own. A little me, blonde curls and freckles across her nose just like mine. It hit me, one day it was very likely to happen. Even if I marry a woman.
It got me thinking about my future in general, I walked through the candle section thinking about which scent I would want to fill my home, I felt the towels, thinking about the softest ones I wanted hanging in my bathroom. The bathroom rugs, and then I walked into the dishes section.
I have always wanted square dishes, they’ve always seemed like me.
I saw that they were cheaper than the round ones and I wondered why they would be because they seem so much nicer (not to mention, hold more food :P).
It finally crossed my mind that the exquisite lifestyle I had always wanted was really not that hard to obtain. No one where I lived had it because they didn’t try. They didn’t want it.
So there I was, standing in front of square plates, crying.
I can have the life I want, easily.