I tend to write posts about ridiculously dramatic stuff going on in my head.
Most times, I look back later on and cringe at how I was so awkwardly insecure and.. Well, dumb.
I wish I understood, like, had an actual understanding of the things going on in my head.
It feels like taking one step forward and two steps back.
I feel like I’m not only not going forward, I’m going back at a sadly consisent rate.
I wish that I didn’t make everything such a big deal in my head.
I mean, I’ve been dreaming about her again and I’m jealous about this girl she mentioned she was interested in.
I despise jealuosy, and how it makes me feel.
I’m the angry-jealous type.. Like, the crazy-ass-bitch who sets your house on fire angry-jealous.
It’s not fun to feel that way or for the person who it affects.
And it’s sure as hell not attractive.
But how sure is hell really when you’re an athiest? 😉
What am I going to do with myself?
I’m a mess. Why does everything feel so wrong?
I don’t understand how I can go from liking one guy so intesnely and then feel the same for someone who was just a minor interested for such a long time.
I guess I could argue that I liked them the same amount, but after being rejected by him I just flipped the coin and went to her. Honestly, I might like her more.
She’s soo much more interesting.
It was just easier to follow the heterosexual way of life instead of dealing with this, less accepted, bisexual one.
Hearts betrayal of gender needs.
The war inside,
trying to decide,
Is this who I really am?
The attraction doesn’t make physical sense,
But she means a lot to me.
She brings me happiness into my glum world.
Does it matter what others think?