The War Inside

bisexual, Jealousy, Love, Poetry

I tend to write posts about ridiculously dramatic stuff going on in my head.

Most times, I look back later on and cringe at how I was so awkwardly insecure and.. Well, dumb.

I wish I understood, like, had an actual understanding of the things going on in my head.

It feels like taking one step forward and two steps back.

I feel like I’m not only not going forward, I’m going back at a sadly consisent rate.

I wish that I didn’t make everything such a big deal in my head.

I mean, I’ve been dreaming about her again and I’m jealous about this girl she mentioned she was interested in.

I despise jealuosy, and how it makes me feel.

I’m the angry-jealous type.. Like, the crazy-ass-bitch who sets your house on fire angry-jealous.

It’s not fun to feel that way or for the person who it affects.

And it’s sure as hell not attractive.

But how sure is hell really when you’re an athiest? 😉

What am I going to do with myself?

I’m a mess.  Why does everything feel so wrong?

I don’t understand how I can go from liking one guy so intesnely and then feel the same for someone who was just a minor interested for such a long time.

I guess I could argue that I liked them the same amount, but after being rejected by him I just flipped the coin and went to her. Honestly, I might like her more.

She’s soo much more interesting.

It was just easier to follow the heterosexual way of life instead of dealing with this, less accepted, bisexual one.

***

Rough days,

Dissaproving gazes,

Hearts betrayal of gender needs.
The war inside,

trying to decide,

Is this who I really am?
The attraction doesn’t make physical sense,

But she means a lot to  me.

She brings me happiness into my glum world.

Does it matter what others think?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s